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  • Writer's pictureJames Court

The Most Important Thing We Should Be Talking About Right Now

Listeners of the show and visitors of this blog, if you've been paying attention to the news at the moment, there are a couple of minor inconveniences going on. We are (hopefully) at the back end of a virus epidemic and a country is currently being overrun by terrorists. I know right, Yawn fest.

Both of these things however, pale in comparison to todays cold case. I've taken this topic off the shelf, blown away the dust and have here a subject that I will attempt to finally put to rest. A question that has plagued mankind since 1958 (Technically for around 1000 years but we are judging from when the name was first coined. Look at me nerding out. Go get laid you silly fucker.)

Does Bigfoot Really Exist?

An absolute monster sat with a hairy man.

An interesting question, and one that I've always wanted to tackle on the podcast but never gotten a chance to. You may think it has a simple answer, (That answer being no. Because, y'know, duh.) but perhaps not! Today we are going to go deep into the most famous sightings of the hairy beast and see what conclusion we can come to. Is he real? Where does he live? Out of all of his body parts, why are we so obsessed with the size of his feet? Let's find out!

The origins of Mr Foot.

Bigfoot, also commonly referred to as Sasquatch, is an ape like being that supposedly inhabits the forests of North America. Now this creature is not to be mistaken for the Yeti (Also known as Abominable Snowman), they are said to be more bear like in appearance and inhabit the East Asian regions (There are multiple big hairy bastards across the globe okay guys? Keep up).

Unlike Bigfoot, Yeti's are often ridden by white women.

The earliest known evidence for Bigfoot can be found in rock carvings. A tribe of Native Americans from California carved a group of Bigfoots called 'The Family' into a rock formation at a site called Painted Rock. These ye olde Banksy's are between 500 - 1000 years old!

But we are going to fast forward a bit, when the rumours of Sasquatch reached more recent history. On July 16th, 1924, there was an alleged incident which has been named 'The Battle at Ape Canyon'. In Oregon, there was a violent encounter between a group of miners and a group of 'Ape-men'. Hairy ape like things through rocks at the miners cabin after a miner allegedly shot one. It was reported in the local newspaper and the area where the incident took place was named Ape Canyon.

During this time, many Native American's insisted that Sasquatch was real and would in fact get offended at the very notion that Bigfoot could be legendary. Unfortunately for these Native's, they had no social media platform to put these nay sayers careers on the line.

But it wasn't until 1958 that the term 'Bigfoot' was coined. At Six Rivers National Forest, a man by the name of Jerry Crews discovered a set of large, human-like, footprints sunk deep within the mud. When he informed his coworkers, they themselves began to tell their stories of seeing similar footprints and odd goings on such as a 450 pound oil drum having been moved without explanation (Sounds like they're jumping on the bandwagon a bit here. Why wouldn't they have said this shit when they first saw it? 'Oh Jerry's got news, I better 1 up him!' I'm sure we all have co-workers like that don't we?). The building company then began using the term 'Bigfoot' to describe the beast.

The Biggest Sightings

If they were all like this cocky prick you'd have thought we'd have caught him by now.

Now we're going to talk about three of the most famous sightings of Bigfoot. Starting with this one above, 'The Patterson - Gimlin Film'.

Shot in 1967 in California, and named after the two filmmakers. Patterson died of cancer in 1972 but maintained right to the end that the creature in the film was real and Gimlin has also always denied being a part of any kind of Hoax.

According to their story, in the early afternoon of Friday, October 20th, the pair were riding northwest. They both spotted the creature crouching by a creek. The figure in this film apparently matches the description of what other people who have seen Bigfoot claim it to look like.

Now I have tried to read as many accounts by scientists on whether this footage is fake or not. The majority of them come to this conclusion: 'We think it's fake or would like to think it's fake, but we can't, in confidence, prove it.'

That doesn't give us a concrete answer, however, and it wasn't just scientists that were asked their opinion on this film. The special effects department at Universal Studios Hollywood were shown the film and asked if they could replicate it themselves. 'It might be done, but we would have to say it's almost impossible. If it is a man in an ape suit, it's a very good one. One that would take a lot of time and money to produce.'

A Disney executive also stated that their studio would be unlikely to be able to create a film like this and if Disney couldn't do it, there was little likelihood that Patterson could've faked it. In fact, when shown to more Disney personnel, they insisted it must have been shot in a studio, and when shown proof it wasn't 'shook their heads and walked away.'

So if top studios at the time couldn't create a film like this, does this mean that this is proof Bigfoot exists?

'Quick! It's Bigfoot, grab the shittiest camera you can find!'

The next famous sighting of Bigfoot we'll mention was in 2007. Hunter Rick Jacobs mounted a camera to a tree and captured images like the one above in the Allegheny National Forest. Skeptics believe the animals is just a bear with a skin condition, but if you ask me, I think he's got all of his skin. A member of the Bigfoot association said 'I believe this to be a juvenile Sasquatch.' But I mean come on, of course he'd say that.

I'm pretty sure this guy is only interested in Bigfoot because they are related.

Our final famous sighting is from 1994. Paul Freeman, a forest patrolman, spotted large footprints near the Blue Mountains in Washington. Following these, he spotted what appeared to be two Bigfoots tending their young (Surely multiple Bigfoots is Bigfeet? But all of the articles say Bigfoots).

As per fucking usual, he captured one of these Bigfoots on grainy camera, and you can find the footage online. The general public state it to be no fake, and that between 50 and 75 Bigfoot tracks had been spotted around the Blue Mountain area during that time.

He can more recently be found in Fortnite. Because of course he fucking is.

Court Case Conclusion

Going by sightings like these, it's difficult to say whether Bigfoot was real. Let's just say that if I was getting stabbed, and these Bigfoot hunters were filming it, I wouldn't trust that evidence going far in Court.

It is interesting though that given todays technology, that footage and photos like these, still struggle to be disproven under heavy scrutiny. The Patterson film to this day still has no concrete evidence of fakery, in fact two top Hollywood Studios at the time stated that they couldn't make the film if they tried.

But that still doesn't prove Bigfoot's existence. In todays world of tagging wild animals and heavy surveillance, it doesn't make much sense that an animal of that size has still gone undetected. Do I personally believe that right now, in 2021 Bigfoot exists? I don't think so. But back in the 1800's? 1924 when those miners were attacked? I think possibly. Who is to say? History has certainly recorded stranger things. What do you think?

Next week: Disproving the existence of Badgers. Have you ever seen on that isn't dead on the side of the road? Exactly.

DISCLAIMER: This isn't actually the most important topic right now. You didn't think I was serious did you? The Taliban have taken control of an entire country! Don't be stupid.

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