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  • Writer's pictureJames Court

Jury's Verdict #5: Eaten by a Whale #MyAmazingSummer

Updated: Jul 3, 2021

So the other day my girlfriend (Sweet Tee, the co host, for anyone that has not listened to more than a minute of our show) was observing me as I removed a spider from her bedroom. She's shit scared of them. After being the hero, I got back into bed and she talked on about her irrational fear of those 8 legged things and asked me if there would be more in the room. I told her no, that Spiders probably don't share spaces and I'm pretty sure the women spiders eat the men ones (someone hit up Animal Planet and confirm that for me).

However, it got me thinking. Thinking about how lucky she's got it. She was close to a harmless spider walking over her when there was a man that saw the inside of a whale's mouth last week. A story that we covered on the show and still has me amazed. I wanted to take a deep dive (Shut up) into the subject on here.

The man in question was a lobster diver. What is a lobster diver you ask? It's basically fishing but with extra steps. You've gotta get scuba gear on and go grab those suckers for yourself. Perhaps the whale was trying to save his lobster friends from the hell that awaits them screaming into boiling pans at the back of a Bubba Gump.

Here's another fact: Red isn't their natural colour. Lobsters are actually blue. Yeah this one's just dressed up for a wedding.

The species of whale that decided to try and quench it's ape appetite was a humpback whale. Those are the ones that leap out of the water. I did a little research and the reason they jump out of the water like that is to send messages with the splashes to other whales. That's right, it's the underwater equivalent of sexting.

'God yes, read this Dorene you slut' - The Whale, probably.

So the diver was swallowed by this huge boy and remained inside his mouth for around 30 seconds, still being able to breath through his respirator. The whale however, didn't like the taste of our diving buddy and was keen to spit him out. He was thrown into the air and landed in the water. And all the guy received from this biblical encounter was a dislocated knee.

Now the reason the whale spat out the diver is because they primarily feed on these tiny tiny fish called Krill. Literally they are like two inches in length. If you can't imagine it, think of John Candy eating a skittle. That means that the whale's throat would not have been wide enough to swallow the guy at all, the only danger he faced was the whales tongue, which could have easily crushed him. So he basically just uncomfortably sat in his mouth for a bit.

That's where the story ends people. Both the man and the whale are fine and healthy as far as I know, which means you've read a good news story today, so how about that? Take that to the water cooler and cheer your workmates up with a ridiculous story. If I've got any final thoughts it's that I don't know why Sperm Whales are called that, so stop asking me, and I hope that Sweet Tee reads this and considers herself lucky she didn't spend her day today stuck inside a spiders mouth.

We are back next friday with more podcast goodness everybody, so stay tuned!

- James Court

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